Things to do in Austin before moving

Well since its official, and I'll be leaving the capital of Texas pretty soon I have decided that I don't want to leave any unsettle buisness here, cause well i am tired of leaving places and not doing all the things I wanted to!!!!

1-  Man Up! Tell the Teddy Bear how I really feel about him and demand the closure before leaving.

2- Invite Mike and Iza for a home cooked meal and give them the news.

3- Ask Mr. Overlly-Expressive-Eyes to take me out so I can explain to him how much he really meant to me.

4- Thank H-Boy for being there for me that dark night when the slashing came back (Maybe by letter instead)

5- Visit Amiguis in SA

6- Tell J-Girl the news and thank her for being my very first friend in Austin

7- Invite M out for drinks and Goodbyes

8- Thank Aure one last time / and return her movie

9- Tell Nana how much it meant that night when she saw me cry.

10- Write Goodbye letters to certain important people / and get Byebye Notebook

So its OFFICIAL!!!!

I am not sure what is next, I mean my brother is graduating, he will be in a few months a Neurobiologists!!! Fancy ain't it???, he is applying for med school which is awesome, and sad, i have no idea where he will leave to, and i can't imagine how that will be like... my mom got another job offer in Houston which is great because well her job here is probably going to close in a few months, but well its Houston, and i know its not far but still it is!! and then there is me, do i stay in Austin?

I want to, so bad!!!!  Ironic I know first being in the capital of Texas made me so nauseated but now,  i really don't want to leave.

But at the same time i am not sure, i mean its not exactly as if I have anything that ties me to Austin if my family isn't here right?

I mean yeah sure I've got really great friends, which i love, I do really do. sure I've had ups and downs with all of them and with others I've had horrible lows and fights but despite all of that I love the people this city has, they are all wonderful and well, Mr. Overly Expressive eyes, The Teddy Bear, J girl, all of them they are amazing.

But come on sometimes i wonder if they'd even notice i am gone? For sure Mr. Overly expressive eyes wouldn't I mean come on he didn't even noticed when I was mad at him, he sure as hell wouldn't notice if I disappeared from the face of the earth. and What about Teddy??? if he'd notice he absolutely wouldn't care, and the very thought of that hurts so freakin much, and I can't help and wonder that IF I'd not had so much pride and tried to fix things between us back when the big bomb exploded that maybe just maybe he and I could have ever been a WE and maybe things would be different now?

Ok being overly dramatic....

But you know they don't need me here, neither of them does, and i am not sure if they are what i need. does that make sense?\

Then there is my job,  i love my job i do, really, but is it what i want to be doing all the time for the rest of my life? no not really, it isn't something I'd miss either, right? so all that must indicate that its time to move, right? After all I've done my number of catastrophic mistakes with these people, they are probably getting sick of me. maybe its time for a new fresh clean beginning

after all moving isn't a big deal in my family, Ive been in ELP then Guadalajara, Cd Juarez, back to ELP and now Austin, what is one more city right? except that it SUCKs, Moving Sucks, I feel i set no roots, and people don't really ever get to know me because it takes me a while to open up and when i finally start to, well WE MOVE!!!

and now i am kinda going crazy, i know i should be calm, and collected and trust God and I do, I just wish it didn't suck so much, you know, i hate thinking that all the friends I've made here will just forget about me, which they will, not because they don't care but because its what happens when you stop seeing people. I am terrified that if i keep moving will anyone remember me as anything more than "That Blond I used to know".

 I am leaving Austin!

It looks like I'll be much more misplaced 

God please give me strength

I Can't Believe I did THAT!!!

OK. So Lately I've been having a series of "I can't believe I did THAT!!!" moments. Its as if for periods of time, my mind just shuts down and I end up doing the most ridiculous things.
And I am not talking of little silly one like the ones I routinely do, I am talking of the big, embarrassing things, that had I been in my right mind I wouldn't have never done!!!
I hate to admit this but its as if when I am with a certain someone my brain stops functioning. Which is ridiculous because he so obviously doesn't even care that I exist. Seriously he usually never acknowledges me and when he does its always to be mean, and still I keep doing all these stupid charades in order to what? I am not sure.
I blame my heart for being idiotic, and I blame my head for being completely weak, Because first my brain lets me do the embarrassing endeavours and then it makes me go crazy over my actions.
I hate this whole situation, I mean can't I just move on and for once in my life like a someone who actually likes me back. I always do this, ignore the perfectly nice guy who likes me and beg for the attention of the complete jerk who won't give me the time of day!!!
Maybe I am afraid of commitment, or have another sort of psychological disorder. Or perhaps I am just insane, either case I just wish I would stop making a complete idiot of myself for no reason.
So here is the absurdity of my actions with this guy:
First of all the stupid giggling I do this every time he is near its seriously wrong. I feel like a complete airhead every time he is near, its like I suddenly transform into a creature I can barely even recognize as myself. So then what do I do? I not-so-casually invite him over to red lobster, which he doesn't flat out say no, but he does find every possible way to avoid, and I can see him get nervous and not wanting to go, and I can't seem to stop myself from keep on joking on how much fun it would be. I can't believe I did that!!!
The next thing I did was that on his birthday, I organized a surprise for him. I made all of his friends scribble pretty messages on it, and then I got him a car wash card. How did this turn out, well I went all out of my way to buy the card, got lost, stuck in traffic, one of his girly-skinny-best friend wrote all over the truck barely giving me any room for me to write on and occurs he was excited and happy, and that made me completely happy but the point is he didn't really seem to care I organized it, all he cared was that his girly-skinny-best friend had written a cute message on the freaking truck!!! And I can't believe I did that!!! How incredibly stupid must I be to do all this show of nonsense all to get a hug from the Teddy bear????
Ohhh but my stupidity does not end there!!!! oh far from  it!!!
What did this lesson show me? well apparently my think head was not ready to throw in the towel. oh no!!! what did I do??
A couple days later I wrote on his truck, a cute little Roses are red poem, you know those absurd whimsical poems: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Honey is Sweet but not As Sweet as You. not only did I write this I did it with my RED LIPSTICK (which by the way got ruined) I wrote it supposedly anonymously but occurs he recognizes he's personalize stalker style!!!
I can't believe I did that!!!
What did he do? oh he texted, "Thanks, that was cute"  Talk about stabbing someone through the heart!!!
So I am trying very hard to stop with the obssessed freak complex.
And well believe it or not telling a bunch of strangers on the internet about it, helps me see myself as the crazy person I was starting to become, and well it end TODAY!!!
Finito.
Bye bye Teddy bear!!!
Ciao.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3mC4485Ue0