So its OFFICIAL!!!!

I am not sure what is next, I mean my brother is graduating, he will be in a few months a Neurobiologists!!! Fancy ain't it???, he is applying for med school which is awesome, and sad, i have no idea where he will leave to, and i can't imagine how that will be like... my mom got another job offer in Houston which is great because well her job here is probably going to close in a few months, but well its Houston, and i know its not far but still it is!! and then there is me, do i stay in Austin?

I want to, so bad!!!!  Ironic I know first being in the capital of Texas made me so nauseated but now,  i really don't want to leave.

But at the same time i am not sure, i mean its not exactly as if I have anything that ties me to Austin if my family isn't here right?

I mean yeah sure I've got really great friends, which i love, I do really do. sure I've had ups and downs with all of them and with others I've had horrible lows and fights but despite all of that I love the people this city has, they are all wonderful and well, Mr. Overly Expressive eyes, The Teddy Bear, J girl, all of them they are amazing.

But come on sometimes i wonder if they'd even notice i am gone? For sure Mr. Overly expressive eyes wouldn't I mean come on he didn't even noticed when I was mad at him, he sure as hell wouldn't notice if I disappeared from the face of the earth. and What about Teddy??? if he'd notice he absolutely wouldn't care, and the very thought of that hurts so freakin much, and I can't help and wonder that IF I'd not had so much pride and tried to fix things between us back when the big bomb exploded that maybe just maybe he and I could have ever been a WE and maybe things would be different now?

Ok being overly dramatic....

But you know they don't need me here, neither of them does, and i am not sure if they are what i need. does that make sense?\

Then there is my job,  i love my job i do, really, but is it what i want to be doing all the time for the rest of my life? no not really, it isn't something I'd miss either, right? so all that must indicate that its time to move, right? After all I've done my number of catastrophic mistakes with these people, they are probably getting sick of me. maybe its time for a new fresh clean beginning

after all moving isn't a big deal in my family, Ive been in ELP then Guadalajara, Cd Juarez, back to ELP and now Austin, what is one more city right? except that it SUCKs, Moving Sucks, I feel i set no roots, and people don't really ever get to know me because it takes me a while to open up and when i finally start to, well WE MOVE!!!

and now i am kinda going crazy, i know i should be calm, and collected and trust God and I do, I just wish it didn't suck so much, you know, i hate thinking that all the friends I've made here will just forget about me, which they will, not because they don't care but because its what happens when you stop seeing people. I am terrified that if i keep moving will anyone remember me as anything more than "That Blond I used to know".

 I am leaving Austin!

It looks like I'll be much more misplaced 

God please give me strength