Flowers

I got flowers on my birthday.

Two sets

One was from my dad which was totally expected!
My dad isn't the perfect dad, he  has done countless mistakes
and is probably the person who has made me cry most in my life.

Still Dad has always done one things right.
My Dad has always given me flowers on special occasions!!!
And they always make me smile like an idiot and well flowers are just perfect.

However, in this post i don't wish to discuss my dad's flowers, instead i'd like to focus the attention to the second set of flowers i received.

I got the second set when i got home after work.
I opened the door and there they were! the most beautiful flowers ever
the kind of arrangement that reminds you of the perfect spring day!

My heart rushed.
My mind went straight to you.
Yes you! (Hopefully you know who you are)
I imagined you going through the trouble of figuring out my address
and then picking the flowers (not that anyone still hand picks bouquets)
With no evidence at all my idiotic heart hoped the flowers came from you.

Silly I know!
my heart leaped and twirled as I set my bag down and rushed toward the flowers
I opened the card as a paper cut tried to stop me.
Perhaps my fingers tried to warn this stubborn heart

Obviously they weren't from you
Dear sweet grandma sent them.
Flowers are still flowers
and i was still thrilled to have two sets of flowers.
still my heart sank
my chest feeling heavier and colder.

My mind reasoned,
I haven't spoken to you in MONTHS!
I haven't the slightest clue where you are
...why would you know where i am.
I have no idea if you are safe, happy,
...suffering from a severe case of amnesia?

Stupid brain thinks its so smart my heart says as it sinks deeper.

See my brain thinks my heart is naive.
and yes it might seem that way
but really my heart knows things won't ever be as they were
back when we talked every single day. My heart know those days are long gone.

But did you have to disappear completely?
is there a sign you could send, just to know you are Okay?

Flowers perhaps?